Stop being so hard on yourself

In the past month, there has been a video making rounds online of mothers rating their parenting and then showing how their children feel they are doing. It can be viewed through this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dVRCnvDbSg

I don't know that there is any other job that quite brings out insecurity and self doubt quite as much as the role of parent and specifically in my case, mom. As a high school and college kid, I never really thought about becoming a mother. I enjoyed going out with friends and spending time with my nephews and niece (only one at that time). Once I had become a bit more grounded and friends starting having children, being a mother had become more appealing to me. Losing a baby only intensified my desire.

Fast forward 14 years and I have two charismatic and energetic (alright, ridiculously spazmatic) boys. For those who have children, it holds true that parenting is the most demanding and rewarding job to endeavor. Like so many areas of my life, I am also my own harshest parenting critic. Not only do I curse myself after struggling to button my jeans, but I am sometimes convinced that I am molding future serial criminals, drop outs and general menaces to society.

Certainly my boys' posters will don the post office wall because I didn't feed them all organic food. I have already chosen my outfit for the Dr. Phil Show when my boys are pointing their fingers at me saying, "It's your fault I still live in the basement!" and "If only you had made us play football/basketball/baseball/soccer/tennis/golf we would be happy." Honestly, I don't know how parents do it. I can barely peel myself off the couch after getting home from working all day, let alone make sure everyone is geared up and at the right court, field or rink.

In addition to being a tough self critic, there are plenty of people willing to chime in just what a disastrous job they think you are doing. "Well meaning" in-laws, friends, family and strangers in the grocery store who at age 22 will certainly never allow their future progeny to behave in such a deplorable manner in public. Ah, ignorance is bliss. I too was never going to allow my children to throw tantrums or God forbid, drag a pitiful toddler on a "leash." Remind me of my smugness again when I recall having Xander on a harness after nearly losing him at Portland International Airport. At two, his legs may have been short but I'm pretty sure he could have given Usain Bolt a challenge.

What brought on this little stroll down memory lane was a conversation I recently had with Xander's grandparents in Oregon. After Xander had said his goodbyes and gotten off the phone, I started a long overdue chat with Connie. More than once Connie and Will have been gracious in telling me they think I am a good mother. My boys are great at expressing to me how much they love me, to the point of Sammy telling my friend, Kelli, "My mom is awesome. She does everything!" However, there is something to be said about having another adult acknowledge a job well done.

This most recent conversation was not just marked with a pat on a the back but with both Will and Connie telling me that Xander is a well spoken and polite young man and that credit was due me for seeing that he behaves in such a way. I believe Will and Connie are the most generous people I have to come be blessed with in my life, so to receive such a heartfelt and gracious compliment was humbling.

Now when I am in the store and I hear a child screaming and carrying on, I sometimes will approach the parent and will first give them a sympathetic look followed by an encouraging, "We've all been there." Our paths often span in different directions, but will cross at points as well. Rather than steaming full force ahead with head downward on the path, perhaps provide guidance so it might be a little less bumpy.