Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Growl...

Today is day three of my Diet Fit plan and I am still trying to figure out how to eat at LEAST 35 grams of fiber a day. The IT manager asked what I was referring to when I said, "I'm doing the fiber thing" and he asked if I was writing about "thick poop" and how could I respond but in my own smartass manner of, "Yes, I'm writing about big turds."

Okay, I know that is enough potty talk for the day. My biggest worry about the fiber portion is that I am not going to have accurate findings and I am also famished, which tends to mess up any hope of lasting weight loss because my body will go into starvation mode. My metabolism and thyroid (what remains) is already totally messed up so I need not further destroy this basic bodily function. I've had a waffle with jam, two cups of coffee and an apple. I guess I better aim for a fiber rich lunch today so I don't come home and scarf down food like a Kurdish refugee.

So just how am I going to solve this issue? Eat paper? Buy expensive Fiber One bars? Depend on cereal that despite the claims of it being filling, it leaves me with my stomach grumbling what I am certain are the words, "Feed me, I'm starving"? I asked Diane at the gym last night and she said steel cut oats were the way to go. My manager suggested adding chia seeds to a smoothie. I am starting to feel as though I should have a feed bag.

So on I trudge with determination and a growling stomach.....

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Diet Fit

As part of my job, I have the good fortune of getting to review books. Often the books I read are unedited and I get a sneak peek into what may be on the next New York Times bestseller list.

I just recently received a weight loss book, "The Case of the Unwanted Pounds," by Dr. Stutman, M.D. It is a food and exercise regimen with the hope of losing up to 15 pounds and 3 inches in the first 21 days. The plan alters a little after the first three weeks, but that is a pretty hefty weight loss for a short time frame. It is also a relatively simple concept. Daily food intake should include no more than 35 grams of fat and at least 35 grams of fiber. The fitness portion includes walking 35 minutes a day, six days a week and including one-two pound weights on three of the six days.

I decided to begin on a Monday following a weekend of debauchery. I weighed in at 159.8 lbs (that is a lot for me) and thought about how I was going to manage eating enough fiber in order to satiate my Sumo wrestler type appetite. I had an egg cooked in olive oil with two veggie sausages, a cup of coffee with creamer. Once I got to work, it didn't take long for the rumbling to begin. I filled my water bottle and dug out my apple.

The hustle and bustle of work helped with getting my mind on other matters but it wasn't long before I was dreaming of deep fried deliciousness that is McDonalds French fries, but fear not! I went to Subway and though my choice could have been even better, it still was not a heart attack in a bag.

Dinner is probably my greatest challenge because I am always extremely hungry and seem to never make either of the boys happy with my selections and while impatiently waiting for water to boil, meat to brown I scarf down salty potato chips. Last night, I sauteed chicken breast tenders with mesquite seasoning, chicken flavored rice and salad.

Walking just 35 minutes was hard for me to accept as my entire workout, but I did it. I envied the runners to the right ad left, but I proudly walked to the tunes rockin out in my MP3.

So with this, we shall see how I progress because I hope to ultimately lose 20 pounds and a total of 10 inches. Wish me well!

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Holding Pattern

I'm a little sad and frankly a little selfish. I miss writing for myself and about my ridiculous self.

I have started therapy so I can figure just why it is I am the Queen of Failed Relationships. I often joke that I have a closet full of rattling skeletons, scraping their way out of the dark recesses of my past life. My therapist told me at my last appointment that my life is in a holding pattern, that I am in the middle of a bridge and trying to decide whether to return to the beginning or venture in the other direction.

What put me in the middle of this metaphorical bridge? Well, that is what I am trying to find out. It seems my sometimes desperate loneliness is a result of abandonment issues. Now I have the fun task of dredging up long ago memories of times when I felt alone and abandoned by those who should have comforted me and made me feel safe. While I am revisiting those times in my life, I don't feel like it is a blame game, simply a means for me to determine why I still can feel all alone in a crowded room full of people who love me.

All of this has translated to me living in an apartment with my boys and trying to figure out what to do next. I miss my dog and I'm scared to spend my 40th birthday and the holidays alone. I would never suggest that Robert is a bad person, jerk or someone I dislike. In fact, I am struggling with quite the opposite. When I am upset or not feeling well, he is immediate in checking in on me. If I have trouble with my car or the apartment, he never pauses to decide whether to help. Yet when I spend more than a few minutes around him, I am reminded of why I am in an apartment without my beloved Charlie.

For a person to be scared to be alone, it seems to be my destiny. It's ironic that I am the person at the paper who writes engagement, wedding and anniversary announcements. I frequently get a little misty when I write about a couple who has weathered the rougher storms of life together. I already know there is no way I will be one who celebrates a golden anniversary.

So here I stand in the middle of my bridge and still looking back over one shoulder and getting glances of the road ahead as well. I know I will soon have to decide which direction to take, I just hope it is the right direction.